Abio 22: Janet Williams writes me a guest column for Benicia Herald May 12 2024
Abio22 – Guest Editorial: Janet writes about us
Janet, my first California girlfriend, has been proofreading my autobiography. I asked her to detail some of the things we did together. It reads so well, I’m running it as she wrote it, with her permission.
It’s fun to recall these things. You were the first boyfriend with whom I had a normal, happy relationship. You were my introduction to fun. My first two boyfriends proposed to me; I was happy in this relationship where we loved each other but didn’t want to get married.
I don’t know if I told you this or not, but I was first attracted to your postings on the bulletin board at work. “New errors and irregularities: Failing to specify AM or PM to a blind person requesting the time. Referring to a male customer as ‘ma’am’ or a female customer as ‘buddy’ or ‘mac’....” I was delighted and relieved that someone funny worked there, but I didn’t know who it was.
Then I found out it was you. One night we were in the breakroom. David Brenner was on TV. I was afraid to talk to you, but you talked to me. I said I liked those funky old wooden cord boards that went up to the ceiling. You later told me you liked that I used that word “funky.”
Around the time I met you my car was stolen. I couldn’t afford a decent car, so I bought my Honda 150 and later installed a windshield and a rollbar. You taught me to drive it. You drove us out into the country and we practiced among the orchards. I was driving and you reached around and pulled my blouse up. I nearly wrecked but thought it was funny.
Between the two of us we had only that little bike for a time. We went to SF and it broke on the bridge. I think not the chain but a clutch cable. It was nearly 5PM. We coasted off the bridge onto Van Ness Ave. and miraculously found a mechanic right before they closed.
I showed you Lew Serbin's, that wonderful theatrical supply that was on Powell St. for so long. It was a wonderland of gorilla costumes and feather boas. That’s where you bought that Thor Johnson mask. You asked me if I liked it and I gave it a thumbs up. I'm also the one who introduced you to Sam Wo’s; my friend Megan told me about it when I was 18.
We got our kittens at about the same time. I had Phoebe and you got Bill. I loved that cat so much. Remember how he talked? I kept him when you moved to Berkeley. When I came home he’d follow me all around the house, talking, until I got near a counter. Then he’d jump up on the counter, hug me around the neck and shove his nose under my chin. He loved to be carried like that. I had a cat carrier made of particle board and wire mesh. I carried him in it in my car when I moved to Berkeley and he nearly chewed it in two.
He had his ways of getting revenge. If he was left alone too long he’d open the kitchen cupboards, find some spaghetti, and throw it all over the kitchen. I kept him in my Berkeley apt. after he had his eye surgery. I put him in the bathroom overnight to keep him from bothering Phoebe. In the morning I found he had unrolled all the toilet paper, pulled my towels down and put them in the litterbox, and thrown my hairbrush in the toilet. I still miss him.
After we moved to Berkeley I was no longer showing you around; you explored on your own and showed me wonderful places like Indian Rock and Port Costa.
But getting back to our trips, we drove to Yosemite on our motorcycles. My motorcycle had almost no power at that altitude, and the windshield made it even worse. We putted along slowly until we finally got there. We stayed in those housekeeping units right by the river. That was the time a raccoon stole our steaks. We hiked up to the top of Yosemite Falls, where you stood on the edge of the cliff and looked straight down. It scared me.
Another time we drove to Santa Cruz, both of us on your motorcycle. You bought a bottle of gin. We got lemonades and sat down to watch the merry-go-round. We sat there a long time, you gradually pouring more of the gin into the lemonade. When we finally stood up, I realized I was totally sloshed. You were, too. You leapfrogged over a trashcan and hurt your ankle. I was babbling like an idiot. We found a first aid station where they took care of your ankle. By then it was pouring rain. Drunk as skunks, we drove through the rain to Susan Strange’s house. I have little memory after that; I woke up in a sleeping bag in somebody else’s nightgown.
When I got my transfer to Berkeley, my parents helped me buy a used Honda and I sold my motorcycle. I think our first long vacation with the car was to the Grand Canyon. We drove to Las Vegas, saw a topless show, and stayed in that horrible hotel with the polyester bedspread. It was closed, apparently for much-needed improvements, and I think some guys let us stay there for $10.
Then we went to the Grand Canyon, where I was shocked to find you had to keep putting quarters in the shower if you wanted it to stay on. There was snow on the rim. We hiked halfway down the Bright Angel trail, where it was a whole different world with desert plants blooming. That was probably the hardest hike I’ve ever done, but worth it. We stayed maybe 2-3 nights in your little tent. It was one of the first tents with flexible poles which are so easy to put up.
Then we drove to LA and stayed overnight in a KOA near Disneyland. We were the only tent in a sea of trailers. We camped on asphalt with big lights overhead that stayed on all night. The next day was Disneyland. We stayed late, beyond the time we were supposed to leave. Suddenly the park was full of high-school seniors on their class trips. We were young enough that we fit in, so continued to ride the rides for free as long as we wanted. That was probably the most fun I’ve had there.
We drove back up highway one. It got late and we pulled over and illegally set up your tent next to the highway near Santa Barbara.
Another time we borrowed my parents’ camper and drove up through Humboldt County to the Olympic Rain Forest. It was a nice trip, but the camper was was cumbersome. On the way back I was driving as a skunk waddled out into the highway. “Oh, DON’T HIT IT, JANNIE, DON’T HIT IT!!!” You said. I barely missed it. I remember going to Mendocino with you; maybe it was on this same trip. I also have photos of us rappelling on some big rocks, I think it was near Fort Ross.
Oh, the plastic boobs were at Sydney's Halloween party. You put tape on your face and went as Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull. I bought the giant novelty boobs (Sydney referred to them as my "emergency breasts") Put a sheer white dress over them, sprayed myself with water, and went as Bo Derrick from "Tarzan." I won a giant trophy.
Comments
Post a Comment